Friday Five: People Who Should Be Imprisoned For Life…

Posted on July 11, 2008 by Mike F.

..but only because I’m 65% pacifist.

  1. Grown men who say “buh-bye” in any context that does not involve small children.
  2. Any vehicle owner with a faux-Calvin-urinating-on-something sticker.
  3. People who insist on men wearing ties.
  4. The producers of automatically flushing toilets.
  5. The men and women of Springfield, MO who sport non-ironic mullets (white men with soul patches will also be considered).

When the revolution comes, these people will be some of the first to go (assuming it isn’t a robot revolution, which I fear).  I’ll generally be a benevolent dictator, but in these cases I can’t make any exceptions.  Any suggestions would be welcome.

Filed under: Life in Mordor | Tagged: , ,

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6 Responses to “Friday Five: People Who Should Be Imprisoned For Life…”

  1. Clark Bunch, on July 17th, 2008 at 9:11 pm Said:

    Necessity is the mother of invention: the only reason we have self-flushing toilets is every one got too sorry to flush them. I’d rather use a self-flushing toilet than one that was never flushed.

  2. Mike F., on July 18th, 2008 at 6:45 pm Said:

    You make good points, unless you’ve been the unfortunate victim of a prematurely flushing toilet…while you’re sitting on it.

  3. Christian Beyer, on July 22nd, 2008 at 2:35 pm Said:

    How about even moderately overweight men in Speedos?..

    ..or Spandex wearers in general?

    …or left lane bandits?

    ..or big SUV drivers who now drive ten miles below the limit and take 20 seconds to accelerate when the light goes green, just so they get 12 instead of 10 mpg?

    …or dieters who send back their salads back to the kitchen because they wanted the dressing on the side and when it comes back the way they wanted it they just dump the dressing on top anyway?

    …or people with bumper stickers that say “In Case of Rapture this Vehicle will be..”.I dunno, I can’t remember. Just about any bumper sticker annoys me.

    …anyone called a Genius in an Apple Store (or anyone even using that word there)?

    Sorry. I feel better now. Thanks.

  4. Mike F., on July 22nd, 2008 at 8:25 pm Said:

    Good points all, this is becoming something of a utopian project. And don’t get me started on the “In Case of Rapture” stickers. Those things bug the heck out of me.

  5. Paul Bogan, on August 4th, 2008 at 5:50 pm Said:

    The auto-flush toilets–and their inventor–should be dispatched whence they came. Someone told me once they were both a: more sanitary (he’s obviously NEVER been in a public restroom), and b: more environmentally friendly (how can it be, when any auto-flush I’ve ever seen flushes at least every 30 seconds, and twice that if you’re sitting on it?!).

  6. Mike F., on August 4th, 2008 at 6:25 pm Said:

    Thanks Paul, I could not agree with you more. The auto-flush toilets do flush every half minute or so, signaling that you’re done to those waiting.

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